I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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