we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Are we still banned from the library?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
