Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This is my gift to your gina
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We are all done wearing pants today
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
