im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
