So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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