There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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