At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
