i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
