My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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