How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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