I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
