Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
