I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
