i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
