After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
