my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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