you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
