Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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