I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
