Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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