I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
