I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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