I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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