you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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