I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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