i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
