theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
