I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
