i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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