Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
