I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She's like a pop up book from hell.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
