When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
