i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
