how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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