The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
