So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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