Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
sarcasm needs its own font
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
