Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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