Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
nutella sex= disaster
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
