It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
