Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
