How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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