mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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