She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
