we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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