my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
