420 ftw
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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