'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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