i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
