I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
