WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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