he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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