i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
