that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Two words: blizzard sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
