I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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