i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
