I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
