Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
