you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
