i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
