A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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